change.

so much has happened to me,
so many changes, to the movers and shakers.
good changes, bad changes.
but what will come will come.
and i welcome it with open arms.


to change!

lovely.

you are so
nice. calm. funny. smooth. handsome. 


you have such nice
eyes. ears. nose. mouth. jaw. hair. smile. 


oh and your
body. body. body. body. body. body


please be
mine.mine.mine.mine.mine?

differences

day&night

black&white

up&down

in&out

left&right

right&wrong

sphere&cube

sharp&blunt

smart&dumb

cold&hot

hot&so not....

they're all really the same aren't they?
so why are they different?

it's true i crave you.

around his little finger, that boy has got me curled

i try to reach out, but he's in his own world

this boy's got my head tied in knots with all his games

i simply want him more because he looks the other way

why can't you want me like the other boys do?

they stare at me while i stare at you

why can't i keep you safe as my own?

one moment i have you the next you are gone

rehearsed steps on an empty stage

that boy's got my heart in a silver cage,

why can't you want me like the other boys do?

they stare at me while i crave you

rainbow coloured water.

right now,

i'm living in a world with rainbow coloured water

welcome to the neighbourhood.

as i looked out the window yesterday, empty expression on my face,

and there he was, 20 steps as he passed.

the new boy in town just walked past my house.

today i rushed to the window to catch a glimpse at him once more.

black vans, white socks, golden legs denim shorts, grey wife beater, toasted brown hair and eyes like the sky. 

i hope i can see you soon neighbour...

dear prince charming.

a letter to my prince,

dear prince charming, 

i've been waiting, quite a while now...

i thought the fairytale went something like,

"the handsome prince rode day and night and finally when he got to the castle, he bestow upon her, true loves first kiss..."

well, the first kiss, i kinda beat you to that bit...

princes have come to my castle already... but none like you.

i know you are my true love.

i'm here waiting for you, my prince,

come soon, arrive soon on your horse and please tell me you are as eager as i am?

save me please?

yours always, forever and ever, 

your prisoner.

talking in tounges.

the beauty of knowing another language, and thinking it in your head,

is you have to allow yourself about 10 or more seconds to think about what you have to say, in order for it to make sense. 

i dont speak that language well anymore, but i still know i should think before i admit my fears. and even if those fears ate my conscious, id still hold my tongue before i would ever admit them to those grains of sand that pass through the hour glass like flowing water, tainted by those bleeding words. 

hurt;

beneath the stains of time 

the feelings disappear 

you are someone else 

i am still right here 

what have i become 

my sweetest friend 

everyone i know 

goes away 

in the end 

words.

something should probably be said, i just don't know what though.

NO ONE CARES.

Nothing more needs to be said.

zip your lips.

sometimes, just only sometimes,

it wouldn't hurt you to stop talking.

only for a moment.

because, lets face it.

some of the stuff you say is utter bullshit.

oh no im not being mean, im being accurate!

you are full to the brim with bullshit!

its rather amazing really, to think someone can be overflowing with useless, un-interesting, and pathetic information?

do you seriously think anyone is listening?

save your breath for when you drown, you'll need it then more then you do know.

holy shit you sure can turn it on.

you so know it, dont lie...

i want you to make a mess of me,

in all my sunday best.

what you got is what you wanted,

well, what are you waiting for?

everybody's got somebody that they're looking for,

i found you, so, lets see how it goes?

i can't wait for sunday to come.

yes this blog is about you.

im not going to lie.

i have fashioned this piece of writing with only you in mind.

i just have one question before we start;

why?

why did it just stop?

why did you just walk away?

why did you leave me standing there broken when i needed you most of all?

i think i know why, 

you stopped caring.

- my next line was going to be 

"well i hope you stop breathing"...

but that would be lies...

i want to go back to the way we were...

can we? is it too late?

you were the more important party. 

i miss you, if i put out my hand, would you shake it?

it would mean the world to me if you did 

thank you thirsty merc.

you respond through song.

so listen to this,

oh and here's a little 'sing-a-long' for you dear.

Every breath you take..

As if I'd sing that song to you, 

you probably think you deserve it at the present time 

But if only you knew how you treated me

when we were together then you might understand.

Remember the time you made me wait for a month when you had exams, which I was cool about

but then the night you finished you barred me from all your plans

and you went out with other people.

Now I'll always give you the benefit of the doubt

and I think there's enough natural maturity floating around for the tension and release time to even out between two

people like you and me.

And I've been thinking and since we've broken up

I've realised things were mostly in your favour

and a normal person wouldn't put up with this

but for some stupid reason I don't wanna move on. 

And now I'm stuck in a moment 

It's bad for my health 

Well I'm gone 

If I don't emancipate myself 

Now I gotta say that all of this is coming down on me like a tonne of bricks at this present time, 

I don't have much cash, 

I'm just trying to figure out the rest of my life.

But I think a lot of people would agree that all you need is a feeling of freedom

and when you're in emotional limbo, everything think about and do is filtered through that. 

But I don't wanna make you unhappy or jealous in any way 

because ultimately in life it's your own choice who you surround yourself with,

and I'm responsible for those things too.

And I've treated people badly at times in relationships

and maybe what you're doing is some kind of payback for all those past lives,

but that also doesn't change the fact that 

Now I'm stuck in a moment 

It's bad for my health 

Well I'm gone 

If I don't emancipate myself 

There's no spirit to find me 

And no wishing well 

Well I'm gone 

If I don't emancipate myself

Set me free

Alright

I've gotta get myself out of this thing

If its the last thing I ever do 

So whatcha gonna do now? 

What you gonna keep me hanging on or something are you? 

You gonna keep me hanging on 

You gonna keep me hanging on 

You gonna keep me hanging on 

You gonna keep me hanging on 

You gonna keep me hanging on 

'Cos I have a feeling it's all in my own mind and if I have anything to do with it

knowing me I enjoy putting myself through this kind of trauma to a degree, How 'bout you? 

Thought so

Maybe you shouldn't call me anymore because I need some time to get to know myself again,

then once again we say it's final then I'm gonna miss you even more, even the most.

I don't want you to know that I'm missing you,

yeah let's establish even more communication breakdown and then wonder why later on

all the honesty and trust is gone between us. 

Now I'm stuck in a moment 

It's bad for my health 

Well I'm gone 

If I don't emancipate myself 

There's no spirit to find me 

And no wishing well 

Well I'm gone 

If I don't emancipate myself 

Got to get out 

Well this things been going on for too long baby

And I've got to do something for myself for a while

Cos you've been treating me so bad for so long

And it just can't go on, it can't go on. 

Well I dont want you calling me on the telephone,

and I dont wanna see your face no more 

Yeah thats right 

eviction notice.

LEAVE!

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

you have no permission or right to be here.

so many voices.

get out!

it's my mind and you're destroying me!

i cant breath!

my mind is a maze and you're screaming out the directions!!

LEAVE ME ALONE

get out of my head...

stop the voices...

it hurts... so much...

im serving you a notice of eviction. 

so please, just get out.

karma.

i'm so mad at you right now.

it's frustrating. 

but i think we can put what you've done aside and move on like the sophisticated people we are. 

i have a plan for you, and im not telling you what it is.

because i know you hate suspense...

what goes around comes around mon cheri.. 

cloudy like a cup of apple juice.

i thought i could see straight through you,

read you like a book.

knew your every move, your every thought...

i didn't know that one.

i didn't think you were like that, you know,

i thought you were quite wonderful...

its going to take something big to make me see past that.

i'm not quite sure what else to say. your words hurt me,

but i don't want mine to hurt you.

so i won't say...

let me just sit here and drink my apple juice.

no chance, no way, i wont say it.

i thought my heart had learned its lesson

it feels so good when you start out.

my head is screaming get a grip, girl

unless you're dying to cry your heart out.

girl don't be proud, it's ok...

you're in love...

who said old was a bad thing?

strange change.

can it be?
really, truly and honestly?
no...  not me, it can't be...
i dont believe it.. me?
i dont know what to say...
im almost, giddy!


do you hear that? 
that noise? coming from my chest?
it sounds like? no... a heart growing?
that can't be... no. it is, my body's growing me a heart.
gosh that can only mean one thing...


well i can't say it now can i?
do i dare?
is it possible, that maybe, if you look at it this way?
there's the slightest possibility? of me maybe.. potentially..

i think i've fallen in love with you?

you make me stu.. stutter.

i, i just dont know what to say anymore.


is silence good?
my words dont work,
my eyes dont see,
my ears dont hear,
my senses have been re-wired.
all i know is when i see you.
you make me stutter.


i hate it.

anger management issues.

fury is truly an amazing thing.

that feeling that comes over your body, 

the heat, the blood boiling, the muscles in your fists tighten.

the suden strength in your arms, your feet sink into the floor,

rage takes over.

slowly, it consumes your body, and you can't escape it, theres only one way out.

punch. kick. break. let go.

and then, the feeling's gone.

i strongly advise anyone not to look right because looking right is so conventional.


so, for the sake of stepping back and looking at the bigger picture.

look left.

service with a smile.

shine your shoes sir?

fix you tie sir?

bake you a pie & serve it with love sir?

i'll keep proper & prim,

with eyes only for him,

and be faithful until our time has come.

i'll let you do me,

& call me tootsie,

and i'll put up with your late nights at "work".

when you come home,

i'll get off the phone,

and pamper your sore feet till dawn.

and when the day breaks,

and the children wake,

we'll keep calm and carry on.

the three musketeers.

one for the money,

two for the show,

three to get ready,

and here we go...

all for one, and one for laughter.
their only weapons are their pearly whites,
watch your back, when faced with the musketeers,
you are surely to lose.
smile when the killers invite you to tea, because you'll be there for a while,
and soon you won't want to leave.
that might just be because you have lost your way home.
think like them.
smell like them.
talk like them.
no harm done,
the three musketeers strike again!